Remember when Abraham was called out of present day Iraq to the promised land in Canaan...He was called to leave his country, his people and his father's house and go towards the unknown following God's leading only. Unfortunately, he did what we all do and only obeyed partially. He left his country and his people, but not his father's house. Not obeying fully caused him to lose his way for a while and delay his arrival to the promised land. Carrying this extra baggage distracted him from pursuing God's directive and Abraham ended up settling in a highly attractive and comfortable city in Hebron.
Here I am, 15, entering high school, full of emotions, wanting to be accepted, loved, noticed and at the same time, wanting to be pleasing to God. The Bible is clear that we cannot serve two masters because we will love one and hate the other. We can't be loyal to two different directions. It was easy to serve God when he was my only love, but totally hard when I had a second competing love, my first boy friend.
Like Hebron, he was perfect. Why would I want to even bother finding out what God had for me next? I was so comfortable, so happy. Three and a half years of perfection with the exception of my now wavering relationship with God which translated into less than perfect behaviour. At one point, my father gave me a few examples in the Bible about people who had sacrificed for God and how God had returned to them 30, 60 and 100 fold. There was Rahab, Abigail and David. Each sacrificing and each obtaining honor and provision beyond measure as reward. I didn't really want more than what I had but I couldn't shake off the fact that I knew I was no longer holding myself to the highest standards and that I was no longer pleasing to God because I was no longer living for him as my first and most important love.
It took me nine months of detaching mentally before I could detach physically from my awesome boyfriend. I encouraged myself with the fact that I would now feel better in front of God and with the thought that if I was going to get better than this extremely wonderful boyfriend, I was going to be in for a lifetime of unparalleled bliss. Or so I thought...
It took all my strength and then some to break up with him but decided not to regret it or look back like Lot's wife or Israel who pined for Egypt when in the desert. All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. He has plans to prosper me and not harm me. He rewards sacrifice. He knows best. He straightens the crooked paths ahead as long as I trust and acknowledge him in all my ways...Verse after verse strengthened me to continue on the unknown road ahead and kept me focussed on not looking back.
I returned to university and was suffering inside even if I was happy with my decision. I was doing ok at going up the hill and moving in what I believed to be in line with God's moral will for me but I was struggling with missing my ex and the oneness and affection that I had become accustomed to. To make matters worse, huge issues arose between my parents which ended up in their separation/divorce. I was furious. Made me temporarily decide to live my emotions. I didn't abandon God but I stopped wanting to stand in his presence because I just wanted to be frustrated.
I distracted myself by going out with my girlfriends but that wasn't smart. I wasn't strong enough to resist the attention and affection that was coming my way. I ended up dating guy after guy for a week or two weeks at a time max. It was just some sort of rush to win their attention to temporarily fill my needs of love even though I knew they really didn't love me and that I didn't really want them. If I was going to end up with a non-christian, then I would have just preferred staying with my ex. I eventually took control of my thoughts again, reminded myself of the standards I firmly believed were the way to true happiness and began forcing myself to live according to them again...
I began serving God fully again and became filled with his joy again. All was going perfectly...until I met my husband...
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