*Only the names were changed
After work, I went to my midwife appointment and arrived home around 4:30. I had pulled something in my neck that morning and was in a lot of pain. When I arrived, Alia was naked and Will was trying to put a diaper on her.She had pee'd on the area rug and the smell of old pee was pretty strong. Will sprayed some Lysol spray over it all. I don't believe he soaked up the urine before hand. I cleaned the baby up while Will was at the PC. I also made supper.
Alia was crying to be in my arms constantly. I had to pick her up while I was cooking and stirring the food but would put her down when I had to cut stuff. I cooked fast fry grain fed veal with onions and fresh mushrooms and served it on a grilled mixed herb ciabatta bread with home made garlic mayo.
Will came to pick his plate up and I asked if he wanted ceasar salad with that. He said that I had already done a lot so not to bother. I told him we would lose the salad if we didn't eat it. He said ok then and went to eat his sandwich in the living room to watch his movie "Never back down" while I prepared the salad with the baby in my arms. I called him when the salad was ready. He came to get some and returned to his movie.
I ate in the kitchen alone while entertaining Alia. She did not feel like eating for some reason. After supper, I sat by Will at the PC and he didn't seem to want to chat much. He was busy writing an email and then waiting for people to call him. Once he got on a call, I got Alia ready and headed out to Edward and Kimmy's as was planned. We stayed there from 6:30 to 9:15. The children took care of Alia and fed her while I discussed our situation with Edward and Kimmy in the basement.
They said that I was being abused and that it was in fact extremely inappropriate for Will to have those conversations with Sharon. They really encouraged me to continue doing what was right and praised me for being a pretty unique woman. They stated that Will does not truly understand an African wife, that these would never have put up with his abuse and would have troubled his life like no other one could.
When I arrived at home, Will greeted us at the garage door and helped me bring Alia in. He asked where we were, thinking we were at my fathers but forgetting that I had told him we were going to E&K's. I tried to feed Alia a bit of cereal before bed but she was not interested. I put her to bed and then went to bed. Will came as well. I gave him a massage and offered him sex. He said that he wasn't interested since I was in pain. I told him there were no martyr's here and that I would be fine. I added that I always enjoy attention and his touch (to try to initiate it out of him). He said maybe tomorrow.
He told me that he really appreciated all the attention lately. I replied that as I had told him before, I have decided to treat him as if our relationship was already at stage that I was striving for. He said that he was surprised that I hadn't gotten upset with him yet. I told him that it wasn't easy because of how much I love affection. He said: It will come. He said that he really sees a change and it makes him ponder and think.
It is great that he is feeling better but still is mind boggling to me that he is ok to let me massage him, feed him, be an unconditional slave and that he feels no guilt only "better". I would so be the opposite of that. There is no way I would feel right or better in treating someone as if they have no worth or rights.
The next morning, I went to work as usual. When I got home, Will was leaving to get his OHIP card with the baby. He ended up taking the car and I went to the park with Alia since she was already in the stroller and expecting it. It was super hot though, so much so that the baby indicated she wanted to go home early.
Will arrived home at the same time as me. He went to the washroom before heading out for the second set of shots he needed to go to Africa. He was supposed to do testing to see if he had contracted aids or hiv in africa (he says from eating in the restaurants) but decided not to as he didn't want to wait.
The first two times we had sex when he returned from Africa, he used condoms (for the first time in our 10 year relationship) so that he wouldn't contaminate me if he was infected. The third time, the condom wasn't placed well so he just took it off and penetrated as is. His concern for me or the baby was not very evident and has not been since.
He ended up on another call for quite some time when he arrived. I gave Alia a bath and played with her for nearly 1 hour (now 6:20 pm) before he was ready to eat. I served him marinated pork tenderloin with sliced fresh pei potatoes cooked with butter and salt in tin foil with tabouleh salad. He said that supper was good, put his plate away and then went back on the PC.
He would laugh at times at what he was reading. I cleaned the entire kitchen by myself and continued to care for and play with Alia for the rest of the night. At 8:00 he told me I should go to bed since I looked tired. I told him I still had to fold a second load of laundry. He said he would do it for me.
I went upstairs and he came as well. He changed Alia's diaper at my request while I prepared her room for her bedtime. Once I put her to bed, I returned downstairs for about 45 mins while he was on the PC. I read my bible beside him on the sofa then went to play on the piano as I had a song in my spirit from the words I was reading. (see below for link to draft song). I then went to bed.
He stayed up for about 45 min to 1 hour watching TV and laughing loud. I asked him if he was coming to bed soon around 10:15. He came right away at which point I gave him a long massage until 11:15 and discussed troubles I had been having at work. We then both went to sleep.
The baby woke up at 12:35, I had to get up to settle her down. She then did the same thing at two other occasions in the night but he didn't even budge to help out. I was exhausted and sore. At 3:30 am Alia came to our bed, she wasn't feeling well and tossed and turned the rest of the night while making whimping sounds.
I took care of her all night and got up before 6:00 am to get ready for my day. I couldn't take the day off as it was my boss's last day before her vacations and she needed to debrief me on key issues before her departure.
Draft song: 'I need you'. It was my request to God to not "hold his peace nor turn his face from me". Please keep in mind I am an amateur at best!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_rHLFTnskw
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