By the age of 19, I had left comfortable Hebron, turned in circles in the desert for a while but was now determined to follow God's voice to the promise land that he had ahead for me. I had decided to stop searching for a husband and just live day by day in a way that pleased God and to be content with that until God revealed more direction for my future.
I was beginning my third year at university and decided to get a little job just for some spare cash since my parents had funded my cost of living and tuition to date. I started working with one girl in particular, we'll call her Karen. Since I had changed campuses, I was now in a new city and was looking for a church. She stated that her boyfriend's father was a pastor at a church a bit out of town and she wanted to start going again and invited me to join her and her boyfriend Will. That's where my hell on earth began.
Long story short, I discovered in time that Karen and Will were living separate lives, living under the same roof but seeing other people. She would borrow my dresses to go on various dates, he had just returned from a trip to Toronto where he met up with a business associate for personal reasons. The household and children were significantly ignored and I took over most of these tasks even after Karen and Will had moved under different roofs.
I fell into this pattern of being their rescuer, surrogate mother and guardian and continued this role which eventually merged me into the role of Will's partner. As time passed, I felt trapped. Will's mother had taken me aside and told me quite roughly that I better decide now to stay forever or leave forever because those children didn't need a broken heart. I wasn't sure if this is what God wanted for me and felt that I now could not leave because it would break their hearts.
I ended up earnestly asking God for direction. I told him that he knew that I only wanted to marry the man he had for me and had proven this by leaving a man that I truly loved to follow His will for my life. I told him that I did not want to make an error so that I was going to ask him for a sign as Gideon did and that way, I would know for sure and would not move unless he confirmed I should. I asked him to close the mouth of the men that I was not to marry and open the mouth of the one he wanted me to marry. I asked him to have the man I was to marry to be the next one that said a specific word that is virtually never said by a man. The word could mean two things and it had to be said with one meaning in particular.
I finished praying and was playing with the children on the floor while Will was talking with a business associate in the kitchen. Not five minutes had passed when Will interrupted his own sentence, turned abruptly towards me and asked me a question with that specific word in that specific meaning which was so out of context and out of his usual pattern of speach or topic of interest. I was floored.
I was in total shock. First, because it seemed like a supernatural miraculous event had just happened. God had heard me and responded so clearly. What a rush! I finally had my answer. But secondly, the answer I had finally received frightened me. I was worried because I had seen many things that were problematic in Will's personnality, attitude, christian walk and life overall.
I decided that God knew best. As Peter rose above the storm by keeping his eyes on Jesus, so was I going to trust in the Lord, submit my will to his and he would straigthen the crooked paths ahead of me. I was not going to let the fear of great hardship ahead make me turn away from what God was directing me to do. I was not going to rebel or live for my flesh.
I was going to follow God in action, thought, attidude, motives, purity of heart and whole heartedly. That was my plan and I was going to stick with it no matter what. I was not going to look back, I was not going to focus on the storm, I was not going to become bitter in the face of adversity because I was to obey with a joyful heart and truly trust in God to accomplish the good work that he had started in me.
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