* Only the names were changed
Ok, just as I thought things were getting better, same old inconsiderate Will reappears...! Saturday morning, I decided to "replace" my job that Will had stated I didn't "have" to do the previous night. I figure, being proactive will probably be more well received and show true effort rather than simple obedience. I joined Will in the shower for the first part and then waited for him in the bedroom. He was pleased and was a bit more kind that day.
He was super busy again though, he filled his day with anything and everything. He was supposed to play paintball but it was raining so he decided to go fill his air canisters with Steve anyways, even though we had packing to do, even though we have a baby and I never get a break, even though, even though. He took nearly two hours before he returned and simply stated, the guy was late.
When he returned, he did a few things on the computer, then left again to go get the tiles at our rental unit to return in Moncton while he went up to get Sylvia. He was supposed to return right away and help me pack. He left at 1:30. At 4:30, I call to see where he is...he's at a bike shop with Steve and they were supposed to be back "shortly".
Found out from Michael that the trip in the morning to fill the air canisters was long because he stayed to chat with Steve for a while before leaving. Found out from Sylvia that Will went to eat a nice sit down lunch, then browse the tile shop with Steve very casually, then the whole bike thing etc..
Will returned and worked on the computer the rest of the night. We went to bed around 11:00, I immediately got naked and laid close to him (despite my disgust for the fact that he neglected me all day, AGAIN!). I asked him kindly if he could please focus on getting one quickly (because sometimes he stops himself from getting one so he can enjoy the feeling longer) since I was really tired. He said he had a headache and was too tired.
The next morning, he woke up and took a shower. I again went to join him but he was already finished. He left for church with Michael after I wished him a happy father's day. I had asked him if he wanted to go to lunch today but he said no. I had prepared lunch for 12:30 but they only arrived passed 1:00. They had stayed to eat sandwiches, cookies and cakes at Will Sr and Janet's. When Will went downstairs, Michael mentioned that Janet had called Will up to the front of the church to give him a message from "God" saying that he, Will, was to set his wife straight and deliver me and that he had to be more respectful of me.
I was so upset inside...! Janet always has these messages from "God" that are always so conveniently about exactly what is bothering her that week. Like when Michael came to live here because Matt had hit him on the back..she "prophesied" on him saying " You will never again be in a violent situation". She does this all the time...its very annoying..but what bothered me the most is that she thinks I am in the wrong, that she is ok, that Glenda is ok, that Will is ok...ahhh this family sucks.
Anyways, I had to get over it because when I talked to Will about being frustrated he got annoyed with me saying, what is it inside you that you get bothered by these things....never a soft shoulder with Will, that I should know. Silly me!
I put on a happy face cause that's my job. I moved on as much as I could. Will did a lot more "work" on the internet, I made supper. Sylvia and I chatted about her past and packed. I put the baby to bed. I chatted more with Sylvia. Will went to bed. I joined him. We had sex. I asked him for a few kind words. He told me I was a good mother, I ran the house well and there was always something good to eat. I appreciate what he said. I was just hoping for something a bit deeper since I am so low on my feeling loved barometre.
This morning, he left early to have the trailer hitch installed on the jeep in Moncton. His appointment was at 9:15 and it was supposed to take one hour. At 11:45 he called to say he was coming home after grabbing a bite to eat (which is normally mcD's), that he would see me soon. At 1:00 he called again to say that now he was coming home. He said that he stopped to get Jessica and went to have a meal with her at Mike's. I was frustrated because he just does whatever he wants with his time and I just have to wait and do whatever by myself. I see the extreme importance of having a meal with Jessica before we leave, that's not the problem. The problem is that he didn't even have the courtesy to call me to let me know the plans had changed. Seems like his plans always change, and never for me.
When he arrived, he worked on his computer for a bit and spoke on the phone for one of his meetings. I went to put the baby to bed and it took over 1 hr. When I came out, I questionned if he had packed anything...he said "No, I was waiting for you to tell me what to pack..." I was stunned. He switches to rules all the time. At first its his way until he needs an excuse for being lazy and they says, I was waiting for you to give me direction. So frustrating!!! Anyways he packed for about 10 mins then "conveniently" decided to get a Uhaul to pack it up right away. I thought he was going to call to see if any were available. Instead, he just left.
A long while later, he comes back and says that he couldn't hook it up to the jeep because there was a problem with the hitch and he had forgotten his cell phone so he couldn't call Will Sr to have him come pick it up (is there no phone at the Uhaul place). Anyways, he left again and came back more than 30 mins later, dropped it off and left with Will Sr. He returned with the jeep about 15-20 mins later. He packed half of the uHaul trailer and then decided to go plaster Will Sr's ceiling with Steve.
He returned at 9:00 pm. He packed the rest of the things I had in the living room until about 9:30. Then he decided it was enough for the night. I was not in a good mood. He knew it and was trying to be pleasant to avoid having to ask me what was going on. I asked him if he could bring Jessica's things to the shed right now. He said he would wait until the morning since there is no light at the shed.
He asked me why I needed it done now. I told him that everyday his day fills up with everything and I am left to take care of the rest. I listed examples of the last two days, how he had told me he would pack with me and didn't because something always "came up". He said that I just needed to get the boxes and that tomorrow he would pack it all if that's gonna make me happy (with a bad attitude).
I said that its not that I want people to do it for me its that I don't want to be neglected and last again. He said" WHAT do you mean by "last again"?" in a disgusted voice. I tried to explain but he didn't care, I could see it in his eyes. I went to clean the kitchen and he stayed in the room for 5 mins just looking at the wall. I asked him what he was doing. He said nothing.
He then came in the kitchen and said that he doesn't understand why I was emptying the dishwasher that I should just go downstairs. I said that if I don't do it now, I'll have to do it tomorrow when the baby is attached to my hip. He said "Whatever!" in a tone Jessica would so casually use. I leaned over the counter and burst into tears. I couldn't believe that he's just so mean. He told me that I have a victim mentality. That I am a victim if I do and a victim if I don't.
I said" OK", put a happy face on and continued joyfully cleaning the kitchen while he sat on a chair right across from me for 10 mins watching me clean. I didn't want to just leave the room as I would have appeared upset so I asked him if he needed anything before I went downstairs. He said no.
I came down to write in this journal and he went to bed. I now have to become a miracle worker. I have to put on a happy face, so happy that he becomes in a good mood and happy enough so that I can "do my job". I know it is weird, but I am trying my BEST to be who I am supposed to be for him even though he is sooooooooooooo evil to me. What is sacrifice for God worth if it is something easy? I hate what I have to do but I take pride in my attitude and devotion to God. You have to find positive in every situation, especially the awful ones! I wish things could be different :(
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