* Only the names were changed
Yesterday and the day before seem to just merge into one day. Last morning, I got to work on time despite having little time to get ready but I had forgotten my pass and office key. I managed to get in through security as a colleague offered his help.
I later tried to call Will to touch base and say hi. He was in a bad mood again. His answers were short and in an annoyed tone. I remained pleasant and cheerful. Near the end of my day, I called him again. He seemed in a slightly better mood.
I came home and the baby was sleeping so I took this time to clean. I cleaned the first floor. I was going to change the water in the basement dehumidifier but Will said he would later. I then went upstairs and cleaned the kitchen while I prepared supper.
While I was cleaning the living room, Will told me that he wouldn't have much more work for the night. I said that this was great and wanted to know if there was anything he wanted to do later. He stated that he may want to go for a walk.
For supper, I made salmon steaks with garlic wild rice pilaf and a nice pico de galo salsa with diced tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, vinager, dill weed and salt and pepper. It was delicious. Will decided to make a business call just as I was preparing to serve him his food. It took a little over 30 min. I ate by myself as I took care of Alia who had woken up by then and needed a diaper change.
After, I started cleaning the new mess in the kitchen and the candy mess that was left on the floor from the days events. Will eventually came to eat his food. He did not say thank you or tell me that it was good. As I was filling the dishwasher, I asked if he like the supper. He said it was good, especially the rice and salad. After eating he put his dish in the dishwasher and went back on the PC.
After an hour, it appeared that he would be doing more work than expected. I asked if he still believed he would finish work early today. He asked why. I stated that if he was to work late that I would go to Edward and Kimmy's since their nephews will be leaving soon. He said that I could still go, that he didn't care. I stated that no, I would prefer doing something with him and that I was just double checking if he would still be able to go for a walk.
About 45 min after this, the baby started to get hungry. I made her supper and fed her. Then Will came to sit outdoors near the kitchen and asked if I was ready for a walk. I got the baby ready. When downstairs, I told him that I had placed the suitcases by the basement door if he could bring them when he emptied the dehumidifier. He said yes and that he would do it right away.
We then went for an hour walk to the grocery store and drug mart. Conversation was light and sporadic. When we got home, Will got back on the PC to check the news, and to make calls/check emails. I sat beside him. When he wasn't in the middle of a call, I would ask him small questions and he would not answer me. I would just wait beside him patiently in case he would decide to answer me. When he did he would say: I'm just checking stuff.
His answers are always minimal in content and non specific. He does not want me to know anything about the details of the business (financial or other).When he didn't have a team to work with, he often ran his ideas through me and would praise my strong marketing skills. Now, he goes to Sharon for help and his praise and others for feedback as well.
I asked Will if he would have time to water the plants in the backyard that night. He said yes, and did so around 9:00. At 9:15, he told Alia that it was bedtime (but it was a message to me, that he wanted me to go deal with it, so I did). I prepared her for bed and went to bed early.
Will came up around 10:00 after watching TV for a while. I gave him a massage from then until 10:40. He said his back was hurting in a spot that I was massaging. I told him that I know what he means because that is where I was hurting too. He didn't offer to rub my back. At 10:40, I asked if he didn't mind that I sleep now because I am sore and tired and dozing off. He said that he was going to sleep now too.
This morning, I woke up at 12:15 to deal with the baby who's arm was stuck between her bed and bedrail. Then woke up at 6:00 when my alarm went off but dozed off until 6:40 am and I have to be at work for 7:00. I took 13 mins to get ready and rushed off. I gave Will a kiss on the lips before leaving and wished him a great day. He mumbled something back that I could not understand.
One thing that I noticed is that I have been losing weight for three days in a row now. I have lost a little over 2 pounds. I cannot tell if it is because I have taken on all the physical work in the house, or if it is because my body is stressed and reacting to the feelings I am surprressing or if there is something wrong with the baby or even if I am just losing water weight since I have not had swollen feet in a few days...I really don't know.
Lord, help me be strong and be joyful throughout it all. Be my witness and comforter, be my deliverer and strong arm. Let not Will be pulled away from you or I. Cause him to come back to you and I now. Close the doors that need to be closed and open the doors that need to be opened. Forgive my sins. Give me your joy and your peace and moreso, your wisdom. I will love you all the days of my life. xxxx
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