As soon as my husband made it clear that he was never going to want to make things work between us, I decided it was time for me to take charge. I had let him lead our whole lives down the drain and now was my chance to have a voice again and shape a better future for myself and my children.
I immediately started planning to move out and return to my home town, gave my notice where we were renting, changed my banking passwords, etc.
My mom was still with me as I had not yet given birth. I was due to give birth on the 17th of August but only gave birth on the 24th. During that last week, Will spent all of his time away from the home. He claimed he was going to the office to work. Although we had made the decision to split official, I was still in a weird state of treating him as my husband and somehow expecting some sudden change in Will brought on by "reality" hitting home.
I started my contractions on the 23rd in mid-day. I sat beside Will who was at the computer waiting to talk to him after he was done his skype call. It was taking a while and I was playing with his cell phone to pass time. I noticed there was a text message in his inbox. This was unusual. I assumed it was from his daughter because when he did get any, it was always from her. I opened the inbox to find a message from a strange number. Upon opening the message I read: Love U Darlin n I surely miss u!.
Immediately my whole body flooded with adrenaline and the moment felt surreal. I gasped and turned to him flashing the message in his face. He had just ended his call. I frantically asked him if he had been cheating on me. He wasn't answering. I said that I couldn't believe he was cheating on me.
My hands were shaking beyond belief as I tried to dial my pastor's phone number. Will said: "Why call someone else, don't you want to talk about it instead?" I hung up and started shooting out question after question as my contractions grew stronger and stronger.
He claimed that he wasn't having an affair and that the message was from a black girl he met at the wedding in Chicago. He stated that this is just how she spoke to everyone and that he thinks she had a crush on him but that he didn't do anything with her, that he didn't even dance with her at the wedding (during the 5 day trip he took a few days prior to my due date and during my 7 year wedding anniversary).
This didn't line up for me because he had previously stated upon his return from this 5 day trip that he had been dancing when someone stole his phone out of his jacket pocket when he left it on the chair. I went to dial the number to speak to the girl and he immediately became angry and stressed and commanded me to leave her out of this stating that this was between him and I.
He left a few minutes after to go to the office. I remembered the number and contacted Rogers to see if my husband had been calling that number. From the 19th of August to the 23rd alone, there were upwards of 30 calls lasting anywhere from 5 mins to 90 mins totalling over 7 hours of expensive cell phone long distance. I immediately disconnected my husbands number. There was no way I was going to keep funding his chats with his mistress. He came back with a new phone once he realized what I had done. Seemed like it was no skin off of his back.
When the bill did come in, it was over $2000.00 as he had been chatting with her for over a month. He promised to pay me the money once he got his new credit card (cause he still had no income) but instead...he funded his next trip to go see her in Africa.
My contractions kept increasing until around 10 pm when my water broke. My mother stayed home with Alia and Will brought me to the hospital. My contractions were more intense than what I remembered for my first delivery. I think it being at night instead of in the morning did not help. At around 5 cms dilation, I requested the epidural. It allowed me to rest for a bit until it was time to push. Will had already been resting for a while.
When the golden hour came, I felt extremely fortunate to have two midwives with me because Will was still sound asleep. No matter the midwives cheers of encouragement or my cries of exhaustion, he slept. He finally came around during the last half hour. He dragged himself out of his bed with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and a offered me his best deadbeat facial expression. He looked disengaged, figgetted for a while at my bedside and quickly returned to his bed where he layed all tucked in and simply looked at the baby's head trying to pop out.
Towards the end, the nurses told me that the baby was inverted and that this was why it had been so much more complicated than my first delivery. They told me that the baby's head was turning grey and that we needed to get her out now otherwise her life was in danger. At that point, Will came beside me and started petting my head as I pushed with my very life. Knowing that my daughter was at risk caused me to draw from a reserve of strength that I didn't even know I had. I let out a Rambo scream as I pushed from the depths of my soul and she gushed out. I was so happy and relieved that I didn't even notice I had ripped to pieces.
I asked Will over and over to please take pictures of the baby because he hadn't prepared the video camera or anything to record the moment. He took a few and then returned to his bed. As one midwife dealt with the baby, the other sewed me up. I then held the baby for a while until the midwife wanted me to go to the washroom. Will was still dazed under his blanket with his eyes closed and his head turned away from us. He heard the midwife saying I had to go to the washroom but he didn't offer to take the baby.
I almost prefered laying her in the bassinet until I returned but the midwife insisted Will take her. He did but was cold and reluctant. My legs were still numb from the epidural so it took a bit of time to get to the washroom and back. At that point, I took the baby again. I gave birth at 6:30 am and at 10:30 am we were discharged.
Upon leaving the hospital, I asked Will to pose with the baby. I took two photos. Both of them only bring about sadness and rage. He looks like he is filled with bitterness and loathing. My poor daughter deserved better. Will dropped me home, rounded up his work stuff and 45 mins later was off to the office. He spent most of the day and evening there.
The next morning, around 9 am, he was sitting at the computer in the living room where my mom, Alia, myself were as the new baby Chanelle slept upstairs. He begins to tell me how he has to return to Africa to close some deals and that unfortunately, the investor bought the ticket for him to depart from Chicago on September 1st and that he actually has to leave in a few days to get to Chicago.
I am trying not to react in a way that would make my mother flip (i.e. if she saw me cry). I tell him its not possible, that he will have to postpone it. He says that no, he will hire a nanny to come help me (although he has no money and stated that the investors will have to fund it if they want him to go close the deals as only he had the skills to do it).
My mother could not keep silent anymore. She started telling him off. Stating she couldn't believe he would leave me here with a two year old, a new born and 8 stitches. She said that he treats me like I am a piece of shit and he didn't realize that he being a bum had a gem of a wife.
As she kept tearing into him, he told her to leave his house. She refused stating that she was going to stay wherever her daughter was. He stood up and tried to intimidate her physically. He towered over her, clenched his teeth and his fists and raised his voice as he cursed and insulted her.
I kept calling out to both of them to stop it considering Alia was a witness to all of this. Will ended up picking up his computer and throwing it to the ground where it broke. My mother kept speaking her mind and he decided to storm out rather than to punch her.
I was upset because he now had the perfect reason to never want to fix our marriage. He was always looking for excuses to end the marriage or to justify putting an end to the marriage. All my hard work of "being perfect so he would not have any excuse to latch on to and would finally have to start doing his part" had gone down the drain. As he left the living room, I stated "Look what you've done mom, you've ruined everything!". He strapped Alia into the stroller as his adrenaline pumped violently through his veins and left.
He came back two hours later, left Alia with me and returned to the office with his computer. Something strange happened after that. He called and stated that he was touched by my comment stating that it seemed sincere and he felt that maybe I did really love him. He called many times that day to chat, once for close to 25 mins. He started saying that he had hope that we could work things out and kept reminding me to notice how he was putting effort to call me and to have actual conversations.
That night, he returned home late. We spoke for a long time as I took care of the baby. He even held her twice and seemed to be enjoying the moment. I kept thinking..could this be? Ten means test in the Bible. Were the last ten years a test and now, new beginning? Was this the time that God was finally going to create beauty out of our ashes?
I asked lots of questions about the other girl and he still denied having an affair with her. He stated that it just felt good to speak with her. That she built him up alot. He commented on the fact that I often reminded him not to smack with his mouth when he ate but that she simply said that there is no wrong way to eat. He said that he just appreciated feeling built up but that he would never have done anything with her cause she was black.
Regardless of the topics, the simple fact that Will was openly engaged in a conversation made me feel closer to him than I had in a very long time. I started to massage him after the baby fell asleep and then pleasured him sexually despite having just returned from the hospital the day before.
There were still some things that were bothering me deep down around the comments he made regarding this girl, timelines, details...things weren't lining up. The next morning, on the 26th of August, Will took Alia for a walk again. He had left his computer at home after having repaired it. I remembered his password and decided I had to go scan his emails to get some answers once and for all knowing that I may never have another chance.
I searched for a while and finally found proof of an affair, and what an affair it was...
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